When a relationship comes to an end, it can be a crushing blow. Whether you are the one who called it quits or it was their decision, whether it was all of a sudden, out of the blue over, or it drug on for far too many years seems to make no difference. The fact is that breakups are hard, and they can stop you in your tracks. Don’t let that happen. Here’s how to really move on and get over a relationship breakup.
Make A Clean Cut
The most important thing to do is to cut off all contact. Don’t be tricked into being lured back into a conversation with your ex. Make a clean-cut, and end all communications once and for all. This is going to involve social media as well. It’s usually best to just go ahead and unfriend or unfollow them. The difficult part here is making sure any mutual friends are also hidden from any attempts to reconnect. If it seems too overwhelming to cut them out with such short notice, set goals for yourself. Take it to step by step by starting out by not checking their page for 30 days, and then build up to 30 more days. Also, resist the desire to “accidentally” run into your ex in person.
Get Rid of Mementos
Little keepsakes that were special gifts or reminders of what the two of you once had can trigger a flood of emotions when you see them. Do your best to clear your surroundings of anything that reminds you of your ex. If you’re not ready to cut them out of photographs, tuck the pictures away in a box or in a digital photo file so you’re not faced with seeing them every day. Of course, if the reminder is a tattoo, you may need to find a talented tat artist to turn it into something else.
Rites of Passage
Allow yourself the rite of passage by setting aside a time to officially provide closure. Write a letter to them, but don’t send it. Bake yourself a closure cake and have a private party to say goodbye. Do whatever it takes to significantly mark the occasion as your moment to shut the door on the relationship and give yourself permission to move on.
Set Aside Time
If you are not able to make a fast, clean cut to entirely cancel them for your life, set aside a short amount of time that you allow yourself to think about them. Try a couple of minutes each day, or each week. Set a timer, and don’t let your mind wander beyond your time limits. As you get farther removed from the breakup, this time should become less and less until it’s no longer necessary.
If all else fails, there are actually breakup apps available, like one called Mend. It offers personalized guidelines to walk you through your breakup process. Finally, begin to dream about your future without your ex. Be sure to visualize yourself as happy. Be sure to forgive yourself and stop blaming yourself for the breakup. Also, let loose of all anger.