How To Establish Emotional Intimacy

The idea of being in a relationship sounds really nice. The first thing that comes to mind may be the physical intimacy that is involved. However, it may be even more important to establish solid emotional intimacy. What is emotional intimacy, and how is this done?

We may think of all the hugging and kissing as being exciting and leading up to ultimate physical intimacy, but behind all of the touching and closeness, emotional intimacy is truly the bond that makes us feel loved. In fact, many who eventually cheat on their partner admit that it wasn’t the physical intimacy they were after, but rather it was the emotional intimacy that was lacking and drove them to seek it elsewhere.

So, if emotional closeness is what is the glue that holds relationships together, how exactly do you establish it? It involves trust and a bit of sacrifice to think of the other person before we think selfishly about ourselves. It will mean learning how to communicate with each other, expressing appreciation for small things and large, and always trying to see life through the eyes of your partner. Here are some helpful tips for establishing and keeping emotional intimacy alive in your relationship.


Communication is truly a skill that many lose sight of as their relationships continue. Communication goes beyond sitting down to a cup of coffee and discussing the day’s plans. There is body language, facial expressions, and other non-verbal cues that feed into communication. It also involves a great deal of listening. The key is to put effort into really communicating with each other. Be slow to get the first word or the last word in, and be quick to allow your partner to express himself or herself without feeling judged, misunderstood, or ignored.

Say Thank You

Being thankful for each other and what you each contribute to the relationship is an amazing part of emotional intimacy. When we feel appreciated, we are more likely to do more for the person who makes us feel that way. While it’s important that you feel like what you do or say is met with gratitude, imagine how your partner needs to feel the same.

Value each other

When we add value to something or someone, we treat them well. When we feel valued, we are more likely to stick around and be loyal to the relationship. Sometimes this is easier said than done. Step back a minute and look at things through your partner’s eyes. You may see things differently, but that doesn’t mean that one is right and one is wrong. Start to give value to their perspective, and see how it draws you emotionally closer.


Make every effort to do things together. Something about being together establishes a closeness. Find something you enjoy doing together, and do it. Even just sitting to eat breakfast together and laughing can establish habits or inside jokes that only the two of you will share.